i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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