First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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