dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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