Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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