Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
