dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
