I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All the doctor said was why
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
