Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
