i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
