Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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