the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my being single is dangerous.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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