I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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