your parents love me but you hate me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
