oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We left the knife in your bed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
