i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
