Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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