was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
