i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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