you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
