I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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