Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
