I must be too annoying 4 u.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
