I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
