He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
