Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
