Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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