i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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