1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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