Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
