I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
