I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im holly from the hills drunk
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
