her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
