before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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