i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize