wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
