Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
