I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They have beer where we have blood.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A bitchslap is in order.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
