wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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