Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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