I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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