i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
