At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
