I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
