I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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