he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
