i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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