is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize