We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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