I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
