The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
People in love make me want to vomit
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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