and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
