Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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