3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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