Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
