I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
