Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
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