you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
