Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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