Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
