...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was born a porn star she said
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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