He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
