be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
